Baby

Silence.

Deathly silence.

Noises of the world fade into the background.

All that he could hear was his own laboured breathing.

He could not stop the smile which silently crept up on him.

I am alone.

Again.

Finally.

I am alone.

His mind fell down the rabbit-hole that Alice knew so well.

And like a flash of cards, images swept by his mind's eye...

Quiet birthday celebrations...

Mahatma Gandhi...

His old house...

The stories that Shivaji's mother used to tell him when he was a child...

Ramayan...

Mahabharat...

His first job...

Inexplicable joys in the simplest of veg. rolls on Park Street...

JRD Tata...

Durga Puja...

Relationships...

Break-ups...

Scheming relatives...

...and as he continued falling down the rabbit-hole, he felt a sense of relief, that perhaps at the bottom of this hole all his thoughts would end.

Finally, he hit the ground.

No images, no sounds.

Just a monotonic humming... perhaps it was the air-conditioner.

His mind seemed to have gone as silent as the enclosed world around him.

He smiled once again at the thought of a dark, quiet world.

I'm in a womb once again and I can suspend reality for the time being... at least.

He smiled one last time before drifting off.

-----------------------------------------------

Doctor: What's the report on bed no. 3?

Nurse: I've given him a strong dose of sedatives like you advised. He mumbled incoherently for a while, but is resting now.

Doctor: Do you think he'll sleep well?

Nurse: (Smiles) Like a baby.

A tribe fights

The warrior sat at the feet of the sage and listened with rapt attention. His bow and arrows were lying in one corner of the hut. It was time to relax his mind, breathe deeply and take in every word of wisdom that the sage had to offer. The warrior had not spoken a single word to the sage. Yet, he was somehow acutely aware of the fact that the sage had read his thoughts and knew of the dilemma that he was in.

Before long, the sage opened his eyes and spoke.

“They indeed were a curious tribe that lived in the jungles at the foot of the hill. Their spies had told them that their enemies were regrouping and were going to attack the jungle in a couple of days. The tribesmen decided to offer a sacrifice to God and seek His blessings. The village priest, an old and venerated man whose predictions had always proved correct in the past, told them something rather unsettling. He told them that they could try all they could but they would lose the battle. On hearing this, the warriors of the tribe got the entire village together and held a meeting. Long they debated and discussed what they would do. The old priest had never been wrong. What should they do in the face of certain death and defeat?”

The sage went silent and with kind eyes surveyed the warrior’s face closely. Slowly, a kind smile spread across the sage’s face.

“You know what they did, don’t you?” asked the sage.

“They fought,” came the reply.

“Yes. Even though they knew. They fought. Because that is what they were supposed to do. That is what they were born to do. That is what they were destined to do. Fight.”

The fall

Move ahead…fall some. Climb up some more….but one careless footing, a second of your wavering attention and you lose the grip and risk losing everything you ever gained.

But life ain’t that unfair…yet.

Falling down the mountain slope, your hands grope for some sort of support. As you continue the mad slide down the rocky surface (which leaves cuts and scars on your face, something you’ll cherish for the rest of your life and point to a youngster only so that you can tell him, “I was there”) you pray hard for this madness to stop. This just could not be the end.

“I have to get myself out of this. I will find a way out.”

Meanwhile, the slide downhill continues….

The Joker says...

Madness is like gravity; all it takes is a little push

-The Joker in "The Dark Knight" (2008)

Pain

Man is a funny creature.

He thinks he can take only so much of pain.

And then, there comes a time with even more barbs of hatred pointed at him. There's more of the blood-stained and deadly arrows aiming right for him...and only once they strike him, mercilessly tear his flesh apart, pierce his heart...only then does he realise...

...that he is capable of taking in more pain

...that he is capable of suffering more

...that he can still look up at the heavens...smile...and say proudly "I'm still standing...I'm still walking"

Kabhi Kabhi - Sahir Ludhianvi's original version

Back where he began

The darkest hour of the night. A long-winding street lay ahead of him. No moon light and just a few streams of yellow from street-lights playing hide and seek through the foliage of trees cast an eerie look on the street. Not a soul stirred. All that could be heard were a few stray dogs barking in the distance; their sleep disturbed by the spirits haunting the deserted city streets.

He sighed as he stood and took in all this. The words from a song by Limp Bizkit started playing in his head...

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows
What it's like to be hated
To be fated to telling only lies

But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like i do, and i blame you!
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

No one knows what its like
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes
No one knows how to say
That they're sorry and don't worry
I'm not telling lies


"So," he whispered to himself, "here we are...back where we began."

A wry smile crossed his lips.

He took a deep breath and started on the long walk to nowhere...once again.

An Anniversary Remembered (Unfortunately)

M: If you do need time...

James Bond: Why should I need more time? Job's done; the bitch is dead.

- Casino Royale (2006)

Concentration

Some became lonely because they became successful

...and he became successful because he was all alone.

Forget it

A part of him just shrugs and says, "Forget it."

The other half just smiles sadly and asks questions.

How does one forget the feeling of rain falling on your skin and breathing life into you?

How does one forget the hot tears flowing out of one's eyes?

How does one forget the tenderness of a rose bud?

How does one forget the sting of a thorn which you removed from the stem of the rose bud?

How does one forget the innocent laughter of a child?

How does one forget the wails of a widow?

"How can one forget?" asks the other half.

A Prayer

Into the pitch darkness that surrounded him.. he screamed the words that came most easily to him...

"De profundis calms ad te, domine"

("Out of the depths, I cry to you Lord" - Mass of the Dead)